Happiness Is Living Every Moment

“To experience happiness we must train ourselves to live in this moment, to savor it for what it is, not running ahead in anticipation of some future date nor lagging behind in the paralysis of the past.”

Luci Swindoll

I’ve Been Thinking . . . about Happiness. Dennis Wholey, author of Are You Happy, reported that according to expert opinion, perhaps only 20 percent of Americans are happy. In another national survey, it was estimated that 29% of us are happy. That’s sad. I’m a pretty happy guy and find it difficult to accept this ‘happiness data.’

Regardless of the accuracy of these statistics, there is a pretty good indication that people want more in their lives. There is a hole somewhere waiting to be filled and thereby producing happiness. Actually, unhappy people simply have a gap between what they expect and what they are experiencing. That’s why happiness has very little to do with what we attain. The more we get, the higher our expectations and the more likely a larger gap will be created.

Unhappy people would probably agree with the wry definition of happiness offered by psychiatrist Thomas Szasz, who said, “Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults.” According to this definition, happiness is anywhere we don’t happen to be.

Former child star Shirley Temple Black told a story about her husband, Charles, and his mother. When Charles was a boy, he asked his mother what the happiest moment of her life was.

“This moment--right now,” she responded.

“But what about all the other happy moments in your life?” he said, surprised. “What about when you were married?”

“My happiest moment then was then,” she answered. “My happiest moment now is now. You can only really live in the moment you’re in. So to me, that’s always the happiest moment.”

I love Mrs. Black’s perspective. Whenever you focus on the past you strip the present of it’s’ beauty. And, when you get caught up in the future, you rob the present of its’ potential.

Happiness seems so simple--and yet, so difficult to define. Norman Cousins, former editor of Saturday Review, wrote, “Happiness is probably the easiest emotion to feel, the most elusive to create deliberately, and the most difficult to define. It is experienced differently by different people.” I suggest, after considerable thought, that happiness is an existing state of joyful contentment, accompanied by a peace about the present and hope for the future. Happiness is a by-product experienced by looking at all the good and bad in any given moment and then choosing to focus on the good. Such an easy concept, but a difficult habit to acquire.

“A happy person,” said ABC’s Hugh Downs, “is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.” Dr. Norman Vincent Peale agrees. “Happiness,” he said, “is not a matter of good fortune or worldly possessions. It’s a mental attitude. It comes from appreciating what we have, instead of being miserable about what we don’t have. It’s so simple--yet so hard for the human mind to comprehend.”

Here’s a little help in developing the attitudes that nurture the seeds of happiness.

Accept life’s difficulties. I know you know this but let me remind you that life will never be void of problems. Pain and difficulty are constantly perched at your back door. They are inevitable experiences of living in an imperfect world. A great starting point to happiness is to accept these unpleasantries as quickly as you do the joys. To be content in the ups and downs of life epitomizes a truly happy person.

Choose happiness now. Waiting for your life to be totally in order before experiencing happiness is an unrealistic dream. “If only” and “Someday I’ll” are detours to happiness. They snuff out contentment. The best part of your life is right now not some day in the past or future. Life may not be as good as you want or as good as you ought to try to make it. But, you really have it pretty good. Learn to be happy with what you have while you pursue all that you want.

Learn to look for the good. Try looking for the positives in your job, relationships, community, church, and children. Guard against focusing on the negatives or things that fall short of your expectations. Identify the little things that bring you a sprinkle of happiness. You’ll be pleasantly surprised how developing a mindset that looks for the good will prepare you to deal more positively with the problems you encounter.

Help others experience happiness. Bertrand Russell once said, “If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have a paradise in a few years.” Let go of judging. Accept people where they are. Expect the best from others. Help people believe in themselves. Become an inverse paranoid. You read that right. Inverse paranoids are people who think everyone is out to make them happy. Just imagine everyone you meet wanting to bring happiness to your life. And then try to do the same for them.

Decide what you want in life. In the early 1980’s, two Harvard psychologists completed a study of people who called themselves happy. And what did happy people have in common? Money? Success? Power? Health? Love?

None of the above.

Happy people had only two things in common: They knew exactly what they wanted and they felt they were moving toward getting it. Dr. Benjamin Spock concurred. He said, “Happiness is mostly a by-product of doing what makes us feel fulfilled.” The ultimate in personal happiness is to be actively involved in something bigger than ourselves that causes us to stretch beyond where we are.

On the flip side, unhappiness can be experienced by not knowing what we want and working like crazy to get it. “Many persons have the wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness,” advised Helen Keller. “It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.”

Sometimes I think we work far too hard at trying to be happy. The more we pursue happiness the more evasive it becomes. As Harold Kushner wrote in the best-selling book When All You’ve Ever Wanted Isn’t Enough, “Happiness is a butterfly--the more you chase it, the more it flies away from you and hides. But stop chasing it, put away your net and busy yourself with other, more productive things than the pursuit of happiness and it will sneak up on you from behind and perch on your shoulder.”

If you really want to be happy, the only person that can stop you is you. Don’t strive to be happy. Be Happy. Wake up each morning. Smile. Look for the good in the day. Choose to act happy. Find the good in others. Work toward something larger than yourself. Do the best you can in every endeavor.

Be encouraged by Denis Waitley’s insight on happiness. “Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn, or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.”

“Just remember, happiness is having a poor memory about what happened yesterday.”

Lou Holtz