Grab Hold of Life - Let Go of Excuses

“The person who is good at excuse-making is seldom good at anything else.”

Ben Franklin

I’ve been thinking . . . about making excuses.

Two men were out playing golf on Sunday morning.  At the sound of church bells in the distance, one man said to the other, “Wow!  It’s Sunday morning, and we are out here playing golf instead of going to church.”

“I couldn’t go to church anyway,” his partner replied.  “My wife is sick today.”

The exercise of making excuses is not new to our generation.  We can trace this popular, diversionary technique back to the first story of Adam and Eve.  And close by, in the Book of Leviticus, we find a sacred custom called the “escaped goat.”

When the problems and trials of the people became overwhelming, a healthy male goat was brought to the temple.  In a formal ceremony, the high priest of the tribe placed his hands on the head of the goat and read the list of problems.  This process transferred the agonies and anxieties onto the goat, and the goat was sent away into the pasture, taking the troubles with him.

Things haven’t changed much in 4000 years.  Now people use a less formal process of placing blame for their problems on something or someone else.  Although the term scapegoating is still popular, I prefer a phrase that seems more appropriate:  Excusiology.

We are becoming a society filled with Professional Excusiologists.  The seemingly popular thing to do is to retreat from responsibility and exert incredible energy attempting to explain away our failures, mistakes, inadequacies and general lack of success.

There are essentially two approaches to life.  Doers and excusers.  The quality of your life is determined by which decision you make.  Study the lives of successful people and you’ll discover all the excuses made by mediocre performers are non-existent.  “Ninety-nine percent of failures,” said George Washington Carver, “come from people who have the habit of making excuses.”

How is it possible for a major league pitcher to be bounced seven times from baseball because of drug offenses and then be readmitted?  He got his lifetime banishment over-turned when his attorneys submitted evidence that he suffered from a hyperactive condition that contributed to his cocaine addiction.

Then there was a 60-year-old woman who had a fetish for setting forest fires.  After lighting one up in the Shasta Trinity National Forest in California, she simply explained she just wanted to help her son, a seasonal firefighter.  The firefighters, you see, get extra pay when they fight fires.  “She wanted him to be able to fight a lot of fires and make extra money,” said Mark Reina, an investigator for the California Department of Forestry.

An Oregon man attempted to kill his ex-wife.  He was then acquitted on the grounds that he suffered from “depression - suicide syndrome,” whose victims deliberately commit poorly planned crimes with the unconscious goal of being caught or killed.  If I understand correctly, this guy didn’t really want to shoot his wife; he wanted the police to shoot him.  So, he went free.

A fired Northwestern University professor was arrested for collecting his mother’s social security checks for six years after her death.  He blamed “extreme procrastination behavior” caused by depression.

Here is the epitome of excusiology.  Attorneys for Dan White, who murdered San Francisco Mayor George Moscone, argued the crime was the result of emotional stress linked to White’s junk food binges.  White was acquitted of murder and convicted on a lesser charge of manslaughter due to his “Twinkie Syndrome.”

The classic has to be the man who sued himself for getting drunk and violating his civil rights.  He was serving twenty-three years at the Indian Creek Correctional Center in Chesapeake, Virginia for breaking and entering, plus grand larceny. 

According to the Houston Chronicle, he submitted a handwritten suit which said:  “I partook of alcoholic beverages in 1993.  As a result, I caused myself to violate my religious beliefs.  This was done by going out and getting arrested, which caused me to be in prison.  For violating my religious beliefs, I want to pay myself $5 million, but I ask the state to pay it since I can’t work and am a ward of the state.”

Fortunately Judge Rebecca Smith didn’t see things quite the same way and immediately dismissed the suit.  She called the whole situation “ludicrous.”  That’s almost an understatement.

Bern Williams summarized the modern trend of irresponsibility in the Reader’s Digest: “If Adam and Eve were alive today, they would probably sue the snake.”  And why not, it is easier than saying, “It was my fault.  I take full responsibility.”

The simple truth is: people who make excuses a way of life, accomplish little to take credit for, and life will continue to seem unfair.  Excusiology is a dead end way of to live. 

John Wooden was on of the greatest basketball coaches of all time.  Wooden led his UCLA Bruins to a record-breaking number of NCAA basketball championships, and gained the respect of players and spectators alike.  One of his memorable motivating statements admonished players to take responsibility for their actions, “Nobody is a real loser – until they start blaming somebody else.”

Someone once said, “The person who blames himself hasn’t begun their education.  And the person who blames no one has finished their education.”

I walked by the office of an English professor who must have believed that philosophy as well.  An 11 x 14 inch sign read:  “Cut the Crap.  Results - Not Excuses.”  A huge step toward putting life into your living is letting go of excuses.  Consider the following examples of people who accepted responsibility for their situations:

Hector Camacho scored a technical knock-out over Sugar Ray Leonard in his attempted comeback out of retirement.  Though Leonard’s camp seized upon an injury he suffered to his right calf a month before the fight, Sugar Ray down-played the excuses.  “Please, please, I say to all the journalists - do not write this is the reason I lost,” he said.  “I lost to a better man.”

Center-fielder, Duke Snider, and the feared hitter, Willie McCovey, were charged with tax evasion.  Facing a possible prison term and large fine, they had this to say:  “We’re wrong.”

Former Clinton Press Secretary, Dee Dee Myers, was arrested in Washington, D.C. for driving under the influence.  Myers’ response?  “It’s tremendously embarrassing to make a mistake.  I think drinking and driving is a really bad thing . . . I wasn’t thinking and there’s no excuse for that.”

Remember when actor Hugh Grant was arrested with a Hollywood hooker.  Before millions of Tonight Show viewers, Grant silenced the tabloid hounds.  “I know what’s a good thing and what’s a bad thing,” he said.  “It was a bad thing and there you have it.”  No excuses.  No psychological theories.  Just a simple admission that he made a poor decision.

Listen to people and you’ll discover people failing to live life to the fullest by filling their lives with a life-threatening disease.  It’s called excusiology.  They are in dire need of a vaccine inoculation called responsibility to re-energize their lives.

Choosing to take responsibility separates the doers and complainers, achievers and excusers.  The more successful a person, the less inclined they are to make excuses.  People who just exist are quick to explain why they haven’t grown, why they don’t accomplish much, and all the reasons why they can’t improve their position in life.

Brian Tracy makes a great point.  “Continually making excuses and trying to explain away your faults, your problems, and your deficiencies, instead of accepting full responsibility for your life and doing something to change it, are one of the critical factors that can hold you back from achieving your full potential as a human being.”

Recognize any excuses you are using.  Let go of the alibis, rationalizations, and justifications you have endorsed for not getting out of life all the happiness and success you desire.

“Some men have thousands of reasons why they cannot do what they want to,” said Willis R. Whitney, “when all they need is one reason why they can.”

The simple truth is:  You can’t progress beyond where you are until excuses are replaced with action that will make a difference in how your life works out.

We can all start today to develop a winning lifestyle by letting go of excuses and embracing our personal responsibility.

“The reason people blame things on previous generations is that there’s only one other choice.”

Doug Larson

Conquer Chronic Complaining

“Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious.”

Og Mandino

I’ve Been Thinking. . . about an energy-sucking, productivity squelching, useless epidemic.

I’m sure my conclusion isn’t scientifically defendable but my informal research has revealed that complaining is rapidly becoming one of American’s favorite past times.  The subtle, yet profound results of this habitual behavior are not pretty.

In the Australian Bush Country there is a little plant called the “Sundew.”  It has a slender stem and tiny round leaves fringed with hairs that glisten with bright drops of liquid.  The Sundew has attractive clusters of harmless, inviting red, white and pink blossoms.

Beware; the leaves are deceivingly deadly!  The shiny moisture on each leaf is sticky and will imprison any bug or insect that touches it.  As the insect struggles to get free, the vibration causes the leaves to close tightly around it.  This innocent-looking plant then feeds on its victim.

The leaves of negativity, moaning, groaning, complaining, ‘awful’izing, self-pity parties, and ‘must’erizing  appear harmless.  But they are deadly traps waiting to snuff the life from of their victims.

I don’t know why it is so inviting, but indulging in this fast growing hobby is often justified as merely pointing out “life’s reality or the current state of the world.” 

Really?  Seriously?   Chronic Complainers are toxic!  Moaning and murmuring can rapidly consume the energy, creativity, fun and productivity out of any group.

Whining, the expression of disappointment, dissatisfaction, and disagreement, offers no hope of contentment yet the continual expression of misery has a mysterious appeal.  Chronic complainers generally complain about the same things to the same people in the same way in the same tone day after day after day.

Health and wealth (normally the lack of it), bosses and spouses, politicians and situations, sleep deprivation and people frustration; are all objects of our complaints.  Actually, we complain about everything that doesn’t meet our definition of the way things should be.

Heaven forbid anyone offer advice, ideas or solutions to our topic of complaint.  When people agree or support our position, there is an irresistible feeling of satisfaction that someone is willing to acknowledge our pain and discontent.  Yet, that is often the encouragement we need to complain to someone else and hope they embrace our tribulation.

I may not appear empathetic with the popularity of venting.  You’re right.  I’ve become allergic to the appeal of bemoaning our circumstances while they are ripe for our energetic intervention.

Are there problems, injustices, irritations, and unfairness?  Absolutely!  So, what do we do about them?  Assume responsibility for those things we can control, stop blaming others or feeling sorry for ourselves when things don’t go as we wish and move on. . .

I know life is supposed to happen exactly the way we want it to; perfectly aligned with our expectations.  Everything should happen the way we want it to or think it should.  Good luck with that expectation.  People are imperfect.  Life is erratic.  Stuff happens!

Ironically, those who complain the most produce the most to complain about.  Complaining is like a self-fulfilling prophecy.    I guarantee you the more you grumble, the more you will have to grumble about.  You get what you focus on.  It’s a natural law of life that the more I dwell on the negative, the more negative I attract to me.

So. . . if you are intent on producing more to grumble about, master the art of complaining.  However, before you intentionally start down that path, reconsider!  Complaining is addictive.  You may soon see everything through ‘ain’t that awful’ lenses.  It is practically an irreversible addiction to shed.

Here’s another serious consideration.  Complainers attract complainers.  If you want to spend your life with negative, energy sucking, unhappy people. . . well, you know what to do.  Join the complainer clique who thrives on being suspicious, critical and fault-finding of everyone and everything around them. 

The perfect antidote to complaining is to adjust your view of reality.  Realize and accept the fact that problems, pet peeves and irritations will always exist.  So, what’s the answer?

Suggestion one.  Avoid being a problem-finder.  Become intent on being a problem-solver.  Complaining is an exhaustible waste of energy.  Looking for solutions to issues generates creativity, energy and passion – a pretty powerful combination.

Suggestion two.  Limit the time you spend with chronic complainers.  Most of them aren’t interested in your cheery, spirited, proactive disposition.  Carefully decide the type of people with whom you want to invest your time.

Suggestion three.  Nurture your appreciative, grateful and optimistic nature.  Find the good in life and people.  Make positivity a habit.

These three relatively straightforward lifestyle adjustments can help you conquer chronic complaining.

 “If you took one-tenth the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving the problem, you'd be surprised by how well things can work out... Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won't make us happier.”

Randy Pausch

The Last Lecture