Acquiring An Awesome Attitude

“The greatest discovery in our generation is that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”

William James

“I’ve been thinking. . .” about my attitude.  In fact, I’ve been thinking about your attitude as well. 

Charles Swindoll hit the nail square on the head for me when he said, “I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.  And so it is with you . . . we are in charge of our attitudes.”

I’ve been a fan of the Peanuts cartoon for many years.  Charles Schulz had the uncanny ability to capture real life messages inside his characters.  I recall one strip in which Lucy announces: “Boy, do I feel crabby.”

Her loving little brother Linus, always anxious to relieve tension at home, responds, “Maybe I can be of help.  Why don’t you just take my place here in front of the TV while I go and fix you a nice snack?  Sometimes we all need a little pampering to help us feel better.”  Then Linus brings her a sandwich, a few chocolate chip cookies, and some milk.

“Now is there anything else I can get you?” he asks.  “Is there anything I haven’t thought of?”

“Yes, there’s one thing you haven’t thought of,” Lucy answers.  And then suddenly screams, “I don’t want to feel better!”

Lucy never wanted to experience change in her life where bad attitudes were present.  It was more “fun” to wallow in her misery.

I’ve come to the profound, undisputable (in my mind) conclusion; there are a lot of Lucy’s in this world. 

We have the privilege and responsibility to choose everyday the attitude we will adopt for the day.  That single choice dramatically influences the perceived and real quality of everything we encounter.  By activating our ability to control our reaction to life’s situations, we will be amazed at how events begin to change.

We literally live in a world of our own making.  Our attitudes determine our actions.  Our attitude toward life determines life’s attitude toward us.  Our personality is a reflection of our attitudes.  Attitudes impact the way others see us and ultimately treat us.  Further, our attitude so often determines the quality of the results we achieve.

Many people are one positive attitude away from having a great day, pursuing a dream or rebuilding a relationship.  People who have outstanding talent, impressive knowledge, and prime opportunities will undoubtedly experience average results unless they possess an expectant, “can-do” attitude.  Attitude certainly isn’t the only thing that determines success but it is an important something.

For those people who need a few bullet points or specific strategies, here you go. . .

First, expect the best.  Seriously, people who expect things to always go bad will not be disappointed.  A positive ‘expector’ adjusts your view on life and allows you the flexibility to enjoy the blessings and deal with challenges.  These people are commonly known to be “inverse paranoids.”  This is someone who believes that the world is conspiring to do him good.  How refreshing!  Seeing every situation as being heaven-sent would certainly put a new face on life’s experiences.

I read about a man who lived on the outskirts of town.  He developed quite a business selling hot dogs along the side of the road.  The man was hard of hearing so never listened to the radio.  He had trouble with his vision, so he never read a newspaper.  But he knew how to sell hot dogs and had a booming business.

He built attractive signs and put them up along the highway advertising his delicious hot dogs.  He stood along the side of the road and solicited every person who passed by to try his fabulous hot dogs.  People bought his hot dogs and made frequent return visits.  He increased his meat and bun orders, and he bought a bigger grill to prepare his famous dogs.  The business was a resounding success.  He made enough money to educate his son at one of the finest colleges.

Unfortunately, the son came home upon graduation as an educated pessimist (the worst kind).  He observed his father’s business and then remarked, “Father, haven’t you been listening to the radio?  Haven’t you followed the stories in the newspaper?  We’re in the middle of a huge recession.  Businesses are failing all around the country.” 

The father was astounded at his son’s wisdom.  He thought, “Well, my son’s been to college.  He reads the paper and business journals.  He listens to the radio and keeps himself well informed.  He must know what he is talking about.”  So the father cut back on his meat and bun order, removed his roadside signs, and no longer stood alongside the road to promote his hot dogs.

Of course, his sales fell dramatically.  “You’re right, son,” the father said to his boy.  “It’s a good thing you came home.  We are certainly in the middle of a huge recession.”

Expectation is often a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Remember, the press has accurately predicated 8 of our last 2 recessions.  Sharpen your positive ‘expector’.  Expect the best.

Next, decide to be cheerful.  I tend to respond to the request “How are you?” with “Wonderful” or “Fantastic”.  Periodically someone will say, “You can’t always be fantastic.”  True.  But I choose to believe I will be any minute.  Choose to be joyful because every minute of life is a gift never to return.  You only get one shot.  It takes no more energy to decide to be upbeat than to be downbeat. . . in fact, probably less.

Cheerfulness, and its negative counterpart, is normally visible on someone’s face.  When I was in the second grade, I had a fabulous teacher.  Mrs. Krull was better to me than I deserved.  I think it’s because she lived across the alley from my grandparents.  She was also a strong disciplinarian.  One day during recess, Randy and I were pestering the girls.  Mrs. Krull approached us and said, “Boys, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze, and I would stay like that.” 

I was appalled at the potential outcome.  However, Randy looked intently for a moment and then said to Mrs. Krull, “Well, teacher, you can’t say no one warned you.”

Looking downtrodden, depressed, negative, bitter, gloomy, discouraged, apathetic, resentful, and hopeless is pitiful.  Smile!  Be cheerful!  By the time you’re 30, you wear the face you deserve.

Be a solution finder.  Problem finders are a dime a dozen.  Rare are those people who can spot a solution in every problem rather than a problem in every solution.  Like the old saying goes, “when you change the way in which you see things, the things you see will change.”  It’s amazing how the slight shift in your perspective on things will alter habitual attitudes.  Remember the words of psychiatrist Frank Minirth: “The more you complain about the problems you have, the more problems you’ll have to complain about.”

Talk Positive.  Listen carefully to your conversations.  The words you use, the tone of your voice and your non-verbal’s not only communicate your attitude to others but further ingrain your personality characteristics.  Psychologist Shad Helmstetter advised, “You can’t change from a negative mind-set to a positive mind-set without changing from negative talking to positive talking.  To do that you must change the input from negative to positive.”

I read about a man who joined a monastery where, in addition to the vows of celibacy and poverty, was required to take a vow of silence.  The monastery was so strict he was only allowed to speak two words a year.  The man lived his first year in absolute silence.  At the end of the year, he was invited in to his superior for his annual performance review.  His superior asked what two words he would like to share.  “Food cold,” the man replied.  Then, he was back to his room and routine to spend his second year in silence.  At the year’s end, when he went in for his annual review, he was allowed to speak again.  The two words he spoke were, “Bed hard.”  He then served his third year in silence.  At the end of the year he told his superior in two words, “I quit!” and he got up to leave.  His superior immediately responded, “Your decision doesn’t surprise me at all.  All you’ve done for the last three years is complain, complain, complain.”

Lesson:  Talk Positive.  No matter how few words you speak, make them positive.  Quit complaining.

Develop a spirit of understanding and acceptance.  Look around you.  People who display a genuine, caring attitude and love for people normally display an affirmative, upbeat attitude. 

John Maxwell tells the story of a mother and her adult daughter shopping one day, trying to make the most of a big sale the weekend before Christmas.  As they went from store to store in the mall, the mother complained about everything:  the crowds, the poor quality of the merchandise, the prices, and her sore feet.  After the mother experienced a particularly difficult interaction with a clerk in one department store, she turned to her daughter and said, “I’m never going back to that store again.  Did you see the dirty look she gave me?”

The daughter answered, “She didn’t give it to you, Mom.  You had it when you went in!”

Ouch!  Your attitude toward the people around will determine the attitude they have toward you which impacts the attitude you have toward life which…..you get the message.

Act as if.  Act ‘as if’ you have a great attitude.  Act like the kind of day you want to have.  Act like the person you want to become. Act like the attitude you want.  A staff member once said to me, “I’m just waiting for someone to come along and motivate me.”  I immediately responded, “what if they don’t show up?”  Don’t wait for a great attitude to tap you on the shoulder.  If you want a quality, act as if you already have it and the chemistry to produce it will be activated. 

Much of what we do every day comes from habitual behaviors.  Our attitudes are no different.  We have been perfecting our current attitudes over a period of time.  If we desire to get different results out of life, then we will need to address current habits.  I especially like Psychiatrist William Glasser’s belief that; “If you want to change attitudes, start with a change in behavior.  In other words, begin to act the part, as well as you can, of the person you would rather be, the person you most want to become.  Gradually, the old fearful person will fade away.”

I came across a prayer recently that seems like an appropriate way to close this conversation.  It said,

Dear Lord,

So far today, I am doing all right.  I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or self-indulgent.  I have not whined, cursed, or eaten any chocolate.

However, I am going to get out of bed in a few minutes, and I will need a lot more help after that.  Amen.

One of the most important choices you make today is your attitude.  You and you alone are in charge.  This is the greatest day of your life.  Do something positive with it – acquire an awesome attitude.

The optimist pleasantly ponders how high his kite will fly; the pessimist woefully wonders how soon his kite will fall.

William Arthur Ward

Finding Freedom From Fear

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.  You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror.  I can take the next thing that comes along.’  You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

                                          Eleanor Roosevelt

I’ve Been Thinking . . . how fear has impacted my life.

Several years ago a local community college contacted me to do a workshop on supervisory skills.  I immediately suggested they had the wrong person.  “I’m sorry,” I remember saying, “I don’t do public speaking.  I can’t even lead a silent prayer in a phone booth... by myself.”  The conversation ended and I figured that was the last I would hear from them.

Two weeks later, another call came to my office.  “Glenn, we would really like for you to do the program.  You work with personnel and we know you could offer a lot of insight.”  What I realized later is that they had probably called a half dozen other people who turned them down and I was the last one on their list.

“How long does the program have to be?” I asked.

“Two days.”

“Two days!  I don’t know ‘two days’ worth of information about anything.”

To make a long story short, I gave in.  The next few months provided considerable learning about the crippling effects of fear.  I had heard all of the clichés about fear like, “We have nothing to fear except fear itself,” or “Fear is interest paid on a debt you do not owe.”  Those were empty thoughts as I wrestled with my decision and attempted to write a workshop that I had agreed to do because I wasn’t courageous enough to say ‘no.’

It’s now thirty plus years later.  I’ve conducted a thousand seminars and keynotes to thousands of people, and learned that facing the fear head on allowed me to gain the confidence to not only speak in front of a group, but attempt other things I thought I couldn’t do.  In addition, I gained valuable insight into fear’s personality.

Fear Reproduces Itself.  The more I thought about doing the seminar, the more nervous I became.  In fact, those feelings carried over into other facets of my life that were normally in my comfort zone.

Fear produces hesitancy...which breeds lack of risk...which results in a lack of experience...which produces limited insight...nourishing the belief that we can’t do the thing we fear.  This cycle perpetuates itself until we create a string of negative thoughts that chain us to self-imposed limiting expectations.

Fear Breeds Inaction.  I had a substantial amount of material to write and organize to insure the workshop’s success.  Yet, I found myself daydreaming and worrying about the outcome of the program rather than digging in and getting the work done.

Jack Canfield rightly asserts that, “Fear keeps us from taking action, and if we don’t act, we never get beyond where we are now.”  When fear permeates your thinking, it becomes virtually impossible to push ahead and achieve desired results.  Once you allow fear to take control it generates a thousand reasons to procrastinate.  Unchallenged fear paralyzes.  John F. Kennedy suggested, “There are risks and costs to a program of action, but they are far less than the long-range risks and costs of comfortable inaction.”

Fear Snuffs Out Confidence.  Amen!  I started out with minimal confidence that I could pull off this public speaking commitment.  The self-doubt compounded and filtered into more areas of my life.

Norman Cousins said, “People are never more insecure than when they become obsessed with their fears at the expense of their dreams.”  Cousins made a critical point.  Fear isn’t necessarily bad, but when it controls you there are damaging consequences.  Fear is only as powerful as the extent we submit to it.

You can have all the talent in the world but allowing fear to be in control will squelch your belief in what you can do.  If you don’t believe you can do something, you will inevitably sabotage your own efforts.  It’s at this point fear becomes more powerful than our dreams.

Fear Keeps Us From Realizing Our Potential.  The only “potential” on my mind for several weeks was the potential public disaster and humiliation I was going to face.  Thinking about “being my best” took a back seat to thinking about “surviving.”

Fear-strapped people struggle to try new things, dream, excel, and produce beyond their current level of functioning.  They live in a relatively small box nailed together by insecurities and covered with the lid of fear.

Former NFL quarterback Fran Tarkenton was undoubtedly acquainted with fear yet he achieved phenomenal success by learning to overcome it.  Tarkenton believes, “Fear causes people to draw back from situations; it brings on mediocrity; it dulls creativity; it sets one up to be a loser in life.”

Your hunger and passion for developing yourself is an important component to creating the drive to disarm fear’s power.  Blasting through our fears puts us in position to grow and develop.

Eleanor Roosevelt endorsed a novel and effective way of handling the fear of trying something new.  She suggested, “Anyone can conquer fear by first doing three things:  do it once to prove to yourself that you can do it.  Do it a second time to see whether or not you like it.  And then do it again to see whether or not you want to keep on doing it.”  Ms. Roosevelt believed that by the time you’ve moved through the third step, fear is extinguished.  What has changed?  Simply, you have handled the fear.

You probably noticed a common theme in this approach -- taking action.  There is no victory over fear by sitting in your favorite easy chair and attempting to wish it away.  In fact Dale Carnegie believed, “We generate fears while we sit; we overcome them by action.  Fear is nature’s warning signal to get busy.”

Notice that no one suggests you pretend fear doesn’t exist.  Just the opposite.  The first step in overcoming fear’s restrictive power is to acknowledge it.  Then, Fred Pryor suggests, “One of the best ways to conquer fear is to move toward it.”  When you find yourself submitting to fear’s temptations, remember that we tend to give our fears more power than they deserve.  By failing to confront them, we permit them to dominate our lives.  The answer?  Fears diminish and lose their control and power over you as you confront them.

Take your greatest fear and turn it into a motivator.  “The hero and the coward,” said boxing manager Cus D’Amato, “both feel exactly the same fear, only the hero confronts the fear and converts it into fire.”

What’s your fear?  If you have a fear of . . .

. . . failure -- you have kakorrhaphiophobia

. . . poverty -- you have peniaphobia

. . . responsibility -- you have hypengyophobia

. . . loneliness -- you have monophobia

. . . being looked at by other people -- you have scopophobia

. . . crowds -- you have ochlophobia

Turn your fear into a driving force for moving into uncharted territory.   You are stronger than your fears or you wouldn’t have made it this far.  Henry Ford once declared:  “One of the great discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.”

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself -- and possibly the boogey man.”

     Pat Paulsen