Grab Hold of Life - Let Go of Excuses

“The person who is good at excuse-making is seldom good at anything else.”

Ben Franklin

I’ve been thinking . . . about making excuses.

Two men were out playing golf on Sunday morning.  At the sound of church bells in the distance, one man said to the other, “Wow!  It’s Sunday morning, and we are out here playing golf instead of going to church.”

“I couldn’t go to church anyway,” his partner replied.  “My wife is sick today.”

The exercise of making excuses is not new to our generation.  We can trace this popular, diversionary technique back to the first story of Adam and Eve.  And close by, in the Book of Leviticus, we find a sacred custom called the “escaped goat.”

When the problems and trials of the people became overwhelming, a healthy male goat was brought to the temple.  In a formal ceremony, the high priest of the tribe placed his hands on the head of the goat and read the list of problems.  This process transferred the agonies and anxieties onto the goat, and the goat was sent away into the pasture, taking the troubles with him.

Things haven’t changed much in 4000 years.  Now people use a less formal process of placing blame for their problems on something or someone else.  Although the term scapegoating is still popular, I prefer a phrase that seems more appropriate:  Excusiology.

We are becoming a society filled with Professional Excusiologists.  The seemingly popular thing to do is to retreat from responsibility and exert incredible energy attempting to explain away our failures, mistakes, inadequacies and general lack of success.

There are essentially two approaches to life.  Doers and excusers.  The quality of your life is determined by which decision you make.  Study the lives of successful people and you’ll discover all the excuses made by mediocre performers are non-existent.  “Ninety-nine percent of failures,” said George Washington Carver, “come from people who have the habit of making excuses.”

How is it possible for a major league pitcher to be bounced seven times from baseball because of drug offenses and then be readmitted?  He got his lifetime banishment over-turned when his attorneys submitted evidence that he suffered from a hyperactive condition that contributed to his cocaine addiction.

Then there was a 60-year-old woman who had a fetish for setting forest fires.  After lighting one up in the Shasta Trinity National Forest in California, she simply explained she just wanted to help her son, a seasonal firefighter.  The firefighters, you see, get extra pay when they fight fires.  “She wanted him to be able to fight a lot of fires and make extra money,” said Mark Reina, an investigator for the California Department of Forestry.

An Oregon man attempted to kill his ex-wife.  He was then acquitted on the grounds that he suffered from “depression - suicide syndrome,” whose victims deliberately commit poorly planned crimes with the unconscious goal of being caught or killed.  If I understand correctly, this guy didn’t really want to shoot his wife; he wanted the police to shoot him.  So, he went free.

A fired Northwestern University professor was arrested for collecting his mother’s social security checks for six years after her death.  He blamed “extreme procrastination behavior” caused by depression.

Here is the epitome of excusiology.  Attorneys for Dan White, who murdered San Francisco Mayor George Moscone, argued the crime was the result of emotional stress linked to White’s junk food binges.  White was acquitted of murder and convicted on a lesser charge of manslaughter due to his “Twinkie Syndrome.”

The classic has to be the man who sued himself for getting drunk and violating his civil rights.  He was serving twenty-three years at the Indian Creek Correctional Center in Chesapeake, Virginia for breaking and entering, plus grand larceny. 

According to the Houston Chronicle, he submitted a handwritten suit which said:  “I partook of alcoholic beverages in 1993.  As a result, I caused myself to violate my religious beliefs.  This was done by going out and getting arrested, which caused me to be in prison.  For violating my religious beliefs, I want to pay myself $5 million, but I ask the state to pay it since I can’t work and am a ward of the state.”

Fortunately Judge Rebecca Smith didn’t see things quite the same way and immediately dismissed the suit.  She called the whole situation “ludicrous.”  That’s almost an understatement.

Bern Williams summarized the modern trend of irresponsibility in the Reader’s Digest: “If Adam and Eve were alive today, they would probably sue the snake.”  And why not, it is easier than saying, “It was my fault.  I take full responsibility.”

The simple truth is: people who make excuses a way of life, accomplish little to take credit for, and life will continue to seem unfair.  Excusiology is a dead end way of to live. 

John Wooden was on of the greatest basketball coaches of all time.  Wooden led his UCLA Bruins to a record-breaking number of NCAA basketball championships, and gained the respect of players and spectators alike.  One of his memorable motivating statements admonished players to take responsibility for their actions, “Nobody is a real loser – until they start blaming somebody else.”

Someone once said, “The person who blames himself hasn’t begun their education.  And the person who blames no one has finished their education.”

I walked by the office of an English professor who must have believed that philosophy as well.  An 11 x 14 inch sign read:  “Cut the Crap.  Results - Not Excuses.”  A huge step toward putting life into your living is letting go of excuses.  Consider the following examples of people who accepted responsibility for their situations:

Hector Camacho scored a technical knock-out over Sugar Ray Leonard in his attempted comeback out of retirement.  Though Leonard’s camp seized upon an injury he suffered to his right calf a month before the fight, Sugar Ray down-played the excuses.  “Please, please, I say to all the journalists - do not write this is the reason I lost,” he said.  “I lost to a better man.”

Center-fielder, Duke Snider, and the feared hitter, Willie McCovey, were charged with tax evasion.  Facing a possible prison term and large fine, they had this to say:  “We’re wrong.”

Former Clinton Press Secretary, Dee Dee Myers, was arrested in Washington, D.C. for driving under the influence.  Myers’ response?  “It’s tremendously embarrassing to make a mistake.  I think drinking and driving is a really bad thing . . . I wasn’t thinking and there’s no excuse for that.”

Remember when actor Hugh Grant was arrested with a Hollywood hooker.  Before millions of Tonight Show viewers, Grant silenced the tabloid hounds.  “I know what’s a good thing and what’s a bad thing,” he said.  “It was a bad thing and there you have it.”  No excuses.  No psychological theories.  Just a simple admission that he made a poor decision.

Listen to people and you’ll discover people failing to live life to the fullest by filling their lives with a life-threatening disease.  It’s called excusiology.  They are in dire need of a vaccine inoculation called responsibility to re-energize their lives.

Choosing to take responsibility separates the doers and complainers, achievers and excusers.  The more successful a person, the less inclined they are to make excuses.  People who just exist are quick to explain why they haven’t grown, why they don’t accomplish much, and all the reasons why they can’t improve their position in life.

Brian Tracy makes a great point.  “Continually making excuses and trying to explain away your faults, your problems, and your deficiencies, instead of accepting full responsibility for your life and doing something to change it, are one of the critical factors that can hold you back from achieving your full potential as a human being.”

Recognize any excuses you are using.  Let go of the alibis, rationalizations, and justifications you have endorsed for not getting out of life all the happiness and success you desire.

“Some men have thousands of reasons why they cannot do what they want to,” said Willis R. Whitney, “when all they need is one reason why they can.”

The simple truth is:  You can’t progress beyond where you are until excuses are replaced with action that will make a difference in how your life works out.

We can all start today to develop a winning lifestyle by letting go of excuses and embracing our personal responsibility.

“The reason people blame things on previous generations is that there’s only one other choice.”

Doug Larson

Conquer Chronic Complaining

“Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious.”

Og Mandino

I’ve Been Thinking. . . about an energy-sucking, productivity squelching, useless epidemic.

I’m sure my conclusion isn’t scientifically defendable but my informal research has revealed that complaining is rapidly becoming one of American’s favorite past times.  The subtle, yet profound results of this habitual behavior are not pretty.

In the Australian Bush Country there is a little plant called the “Sundew.”  It has a slender stem and tiny round leaves fringed with hairs that glisten with bright drops of liquid.  The Sundew has attractive clusters of harmless, inviting red, white and pink blossoms.

Beware; the leaves are deceivingly deadly!  The shiny moisture on each leaf is sticky and will imprison any bug or insect that touches it.  As the insect struggles to get free, the vibration causes the leaves to close tightly around it.  This innocent-looking plant then feeds on its victim.

The leaves of negativity, moaning, groaning, complaining, ‘awful’izing, self-pity parties, and ‘must’erizing  appear harmless.  But they are deadly traps waiting to snuff the life from of their victims.

I don’t know why it is so inviting, but indulging in this fast growing hobby is often justified as merely pointing out “life’s reality or the current state of the world.” 

Really?  Seriously?   Chronic Complainers are toxic!  Moaning and murmuring can rapidly consume the energy, creativity, fun and productivity out of any group.

Whining, the expression of disappointment, dissatisfaction, and disagreement, offers no hope of contentment yet the continual expression of misery has a mysterious appeal.  Chronic complainers generally complain about the same things to the same people in the same way in the same tone day after day after day.

Health and wealth (normally the lack of it), bosses and spouses, politicians and situations, sleep deprivation and people frustration; are all objects of our complaints.  Actually, we complain about everything that doesn’t meet our definition of the way things should be.

Heaven forbid anyone offer advice, ideas or solutions to our topic of complaint.  When people agree or support our position, there is an irresistible feeling of satisfaction that someone is willing to acknowledge our pain and discontent.  Yet, that is often the encouragement we need to complain to someone else and hope they embrace our tribulation.

I may not appear empathetic with the popularity of venting.  You’re right.  I’ve become allergic to the appeal of bemoaning our circumstances while they are ripe for our energetic intervention.

Are there problems, injustices, irritations, and unfairness?  Absolutely!  So, what do we do about them?  Assume responsibility for those things we can control, stop blaming others or feeling sorry for ourselves when things don’t go as we wish and move on. . .

I know life is supposed to happen exactly the way we want it to; perfectly aligned with our expectations.  Everything should happen the way we want it to or think it should.  Good luck with that expectation.  People are imperfect.  Life is erratic.  Stuff happens!

Ironically, those who complain the most produce the most to complain about.  Complaining is like a self-fulfilling prophecy.    I guarantee you the more you grumble, the more you will have to grumble about.  You get what you focus on.  It’s a natural law of life that the more I dwell on the negative, the more negative I attract to me.

So. . . if you are intent on producing more to grumble about, master the art of complaining.  However, before you intentionally start down that path, reconsider!  Complaining is addictive.  You may soon see everything through ‘ain’t that awful’ lenses.  It is practically an irreversible addiction to shed.

Here’s another serious consideration.  Complainers attract complainers.  If you want to spend your life with negative, energy sucking, unhappy people. . . well, you know what to do.  Join the complainer clique who thrives on being suspicious, critical and fault-finding of everyone and everything around them. 

The perfect antidote to complaining is to adjust your view of reality.  Realize and accept the fact that problems, pet peeves and irritations will always exist.  So, what’s the answer?

Suggestion one.  Avoid being a problem-finder.  Become intent on being a problem-solver.  Complaining is an exhaustible waste of energy.  Looking for solutions to issues generates creativity, energy and passion – a pretty powerful combination.

Suggestion two.  Limit the time you spend with chronic complainers.  Most of them aren’t interested in your cheery, spirited, proactive disposition.  Carefully decide the type of people with whom you want to invest your time.

Suggestion three.  Nurture your appreciative, grateful and optimistic nature.  Find the good in life and people.  Make positivity a habit.

These three relatively straightforward lifestyle adjustments can help you conquer chronic complaining.

 “If you took one-tenth the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving the problem, you'd be surprised by how well things can work out... Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won't make us happier.”

Randy Pausch

The Last Lecture 

Infuse Your Life with Passion

“Enthusiasm releases the drive to carry you over obstacles and adds significance to all you do.”

Norman Vincent Peale

I’ve been thinking . . . about inventing a passion injection.  I’m not kidding.  I’ve encountered so many people with an apathetic, poor me, life’s the pits mentality that siphons the energy out of others at an alarming rate. 

There has to be a solution.

President Ronald Reagan told the story of a little boy who had reached school age.  His mother worked very hard to get him enthusiastic about the idea by buying him his favorite new tennis shoes, telling him about all the new friends he would make, and the great teacher he was going to have.  He was excited as he left for school on the first day and came home with reports that lived up to everything mom said it would be. 

The next morning his mother went into the bedroom to wake him up.  Struggling to open his eyes, the little boy drearily responded, “What for?”  Mom replied, “You’ve got to go to school.”  The little boy said, “What, again?”

Life is like that sometimes.  We get ourselves up for the big event only to realize we have to do it again tomorrow.  Somebody once said the only problem with life is that it is so daily.

People who live lives infused with passion realize it is a perpetual lifestyle.  Enthusiasm isn’t something you get yourself up for and then its over.  A passionate life is lived by passionate people.  Napoleon Hill asserted that “Enthusiasm is the radio wave by which you transmit your personality to others.”  I like that.

While researching over 500 top performers from all areas of work, the arts and sports, Robert Kriegel concluded: “No two were alike, but the one quality they had in common was passion!  It was their drive, their enthusiasm, their desire that distinguished them.”

Kriegel went on to say that, “Passion kindles a spark that inspires you and others around you to greater heights.”  You can’t put life into your living if you’re living with a lukewarm heart.  Excitement for learning, a desire to grow, a willingness to try new things, creating lofty dreams, energizing talents and a positive outlook are all important for putting vitality back in life.

Enthusiasm is a mystery to many people.  It’s perceived as this mystical quality possessed by people who jump up and down, talk loud, or have a curious grin pasted on their face.  Enthusiasm is simply the psychological adrenaline that makes the difference between going through the motions of existing or really living.

The word enthusiasm has very little to do with a showy outward display but is created by an inner exuberance.  That’s probably why Eleanor Roosevelt believed, “Age wrinkles the skin, but to lose your enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.”

                                 

Think about this.  The furnace in our home is powered by natural gas.  During the winter season, a pilot light is always burning low, ready to ignite the flame that will produce the necessary heat to warm our home.  So it is with enthusiasm.  The power is inside ready to be ignited when life’s situations call for it.  It’s your job to light the inner fire.  But how?

I’ve watched enthusiastic people maintain their inner exuberance day in and day out with unwavering commitment.  I believe the primary reason for their consistency is the choice they make to be enthusiastic.  That may sound simplistic, but it’s true.  You become enthusiastic by deciding to.

I firmly believe with William Arthur Ward that, “Enthusiasm and persistence can make an average person superior; indifference and lethargy can make a superior person average.”

Here’s a few practical ways to infuse your life with passion:

• Approach every day, routine task, or common experience with the gusto you would if it was your first time.  Wake up every morning with a mind set that this will be a great day filled with opportunities and challenges I’m prepared to meet.

 

• As you approach your job, be motivated by the cause you believe in rather than the monthly paycheck.  You can never excel at something that you don’t passionately care about.  Involve yourself in work that inspires you to become “constructively obsessed.”

• Light your own fire.  Be self-motivated.  Smile enthusiastically.  Walk enthusiastically.  Talk enthusiastically.  Incorporate words like “fantastic”, “terrific”, and “exciting” into your vocabulary.  Act as if you’re enthusiastic.  Even if you don’t feel enthusiastic this very moment, fake it with your actions and you’ll begin to feel the emotion.

• Exceed yesterday’s performance today.  Never be content with “good enough”.  Strive for excellence.  Henry Ford once said, “You can do anything if you have enthusiasm.  Enthusiasm is the spark in your eye, the swing in your gait, the grip of your hand, the irresistible surge of your will, and energy to execute your ideas.  Enthusiasm is at the bottom of all progress!  With it, there is accomplishment.  Without it, there are only alibis.”

• Make your work fun rather than an obligation.  Seek out ways to add fun into your work or find a way to have fun doing what you’re doing.  Laugh.

• Be committed to set an enthusiastic example for others.  Don’t wait for others.  Be the most enthusiastic person you know.  You can never expect a fire in others unless it is burning within you.  I love John Wesley’s approach:  “I set myself on fire and people come to watch me burn.”

• Anticipate, accept, even welcome change as an opportunity to grow and draw upon your internal flame to go beyond where you are.  Loosen the limits of your comfort zone thinking and explore the adventure change introduces.

• Open your mind.  Don’t get stuck on today’s problems with yesterday’s solutions.  Raise your curiosity concerning what might be and be willing to try new methods to deal with nagging issues.  Develop a “whatever it takes” approach and accept responsibility for the outcomes.

• Make it an ongoing mission to draw the best out of others.  Believe in people and their potential.  “There is an energy field between humans,” wrote Rollo May.  “And, when a person reaches out in passion, it is usually met with an answering passion.”

• View mistakes and failures as temporary setbacks and stepping stones to future success.  People with passion continue to pursue their dreams when others give up.  Their commitment and dedication provide unstoppable energy even when the odds are against them.  Obstacles and hurdles are actually used to propel them forward rather than set them back.

Philosopher Soren Kierkegaard believed, “This age will die, not from sin, but from lack of passion.”  Helen Keller observed, “Science may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings.” 

Our generation needs a renewed passion.  We need to insure the pilot is burning and ready to ignite the flames of enthusiasm.  As the Italian poet Dante so aptly said, “A mighty flame followeth a tiny spark.” 

Think of three things that ignite your passion.  How can you get that same level of excitement in other areas of your life?  Determine what adds spark to your daily living and keep those fires burning.  There are many things in life that will catch your attention, but it’s more important to find the few things that will capture your heart and ignite your passion.

Infuse your life with passion!

“If there is no passion in your life, then have you really lived?  Find your passion, whatever it may be.  Become it, and let it become you and you will find great things happen FOR you, TO you and BECAUSE of you.”

T. Alan Armstrong

Do The Thing You Fear The Most

“People worry for only two reasons.  Either they stand to lose something they want to keep, or they stand not to gain something they want.”

Nido Quebin

I’ve Been Thinking . . . about all of the things I could be worrying about.  However, I’ve decided not to waste the energy.  That may sound incredibly disciplined.  Not really.  I learned the hard way that worry is wasted energy that resolves absolutely, positively nothing.

As a teenager I struggled with an addiction called worry.  I could worry about almost anything, almost all the time.  It was great having me in the family so I could do all the worrying for everyone.  I figured it was my God-given privilege to bear the load.

I recall a personal dilemma in high school that gave me reason to shift my worrisome lifestyle into high gear.  Homecoming was just around the corner and I wanted to ask Judy to attend the activities with me.  But, I convinced myself of several reasons why Judy would turn me down (a common practice of professional worriers).  However, mustering what little courage I possessed deep inside, I decided to go for it.  Of course, I could never ask her face to face.  It would be too devastating to be face to face when she declined my invitation. 

My heart was pounding and my mouth went dry as I dialed Judy’s number.  Maybe she wouldn’t be home.  I’ll bet someone has already asked her.  Her mother will never let her go out with me.  “Hello, Judy,” I said, my voice shaking; “You wouldn’t want to go with me to homecoming would you?”

“I’d love to,” Judy replied.  “You would?” I responded recognizing the surprise in my voice.  “Good. I’ll talk to you later.”

You might think this was the end of my worry campaign but the anxiety had just begun.  I began worrying about the meal, the dance, and finally how I would give Judy a good night kiss.  I invested a multitude of energy into possible approaches for kissing Judy when the evening was over.  I finally decided on a romantic approach but was convinced, as good as it was, that rejection was eminent.

I was only fifteen at the time, so Judy and I double-dated with friends.  As the evening’s activities drew to a close, we made our way back to Judy’s home.  Driving into the driveway, I immediately noticed her father had turned on the yellow bug light above the front door. I hadn’t planned on this less than romantic addition to my plan.  But I was determined to go forward.  It had been a fabulous evening and I wasn’t about to let it end without a goodnight kiss.

Judy and I stood facing each other.  It was time to implement my plan.  “Judy,” I began, “Oh that I had ten thousand eyes to behold you with, my dear.”  (Not bad for a fifteen year old).  “Judy, I wish I had ten thousand arms to hold you with, my dear.”  I knew it was working because Judy just looked at me with a blank expression on her face.  Finally, I said, “Oh Judy, oh that I had ten thousand lips to kiss you with my dear!”

To this day, I’ll never forget her response.  Judy looked me square in the eye and with passion in her voice replied, “Glenn, why don’t you use what you have!” 

And I did.

I learned a lot about worry and fear that night.  Ralph Waldo Emerson was right when he said, “Do the thing you fear the most and the death of fear is certain.”  That simple advice can alleviate an unnecessary waste of energy.  Action is worry’s antidote.  Substitute positive action for worry and you’ll find the anxiety begin to subside.  

“It doesn’t pay to worry.  If you went through last year’s files marked “important,” chances are the only things you’d keep are the paper clips.”

 Robert Orben

Living the Rich Life

 “If you want your life to be a magnificent story, then begin by realizing that you are the author and every day you have opportunity to write a new page.”

Mark Houlahan

I’ve Been Thinking . . . about the difference between being rich and living a rich life.

 

Samuel Beckett wrote a play in 1940’s entitled Waiting for Godot.  The play is now considered a classic.  The play involves two men standing on an empty stage, hands in their pockets, staring at each other.  That’s it!  All they do is stand and stare.  There is no plot, no action, no smooth transition to reveal the mystery of their behavior.  They just stand there waiting for Godot to come.

So, who is Godot?  Is there some symbolism here?  Does Godot represent God?  Is there a hidden message just waiting to surface?  Apparently not.  As the play ends, those men are still standing on the stage doing nothing, just waiting.

During the 50^th anniversary celebration of the play, someone asked Mr. Beckett, “Now will you tell us who Godot is?”  He answered, “How should I know?”

Waiting for Godot represents the dilemma in many people’s lives.  There is a pointless waiting, anticipating, and meaningless pursuit of something that will turn our lives around.  The more we wait the more futile and restless our lives become.

Today’s culture certainly celebrates the successful pursuit of people who achieve this world’s wealth and riches.  We put their pictures on magazines, write full-length articles about their success and build pedestals in our mind for them to stand on.  Numerous books, television infomercials and amassing riches schemes lure the wealthy want-to-be into believing that once achieved; riches will turn their lives around.  Yet, even the rich and famous haven’t necessarily achieved a rich, fulfilled, meaningful life.

Living a rich life; one that’s filled with precious moments, valuable experiences, and a wealth of splendid memories isn’t possible by standing on a stage waiting for “Godot” to come.  Getting what you want out of life doesn’t suddenly appear by waiting for a miracle to happen.  Although we are placed on this earth to live, few people understand the magnitude of what awaits those who understand what it means to really enjoy living, relish every minute, and acquire the habit of proactively putting life into their living.

Life can be described a lot of ways.  Sometimes it’s boring, sometimes life is just okay, sometimes it is exciting, sometimes it is funny, sometimes life is demanding, sometimes it is just plain hard, and sometimes it is unexplainable.  Whatever your description of any given day, the richness of life is ultimately what you make of it.

An army chaplain was walking a convicted soldier to the gallows to be hanged.  On the way, the chaplain said to the soldier, “Things will be much better in heaven for you.”

“Do you really believe that?” asked the soldier.

“Why, yes I do,” replied the chaplain.

“Then switch places with me,” said the soldier, “because I like it here.”

Although we might mentally concur with the soldier “we like it here,” our lifestyles often reflect an attitude of life being unfair or believing things should be better. Still others are in a continual struggle to find the good life.

I happen to agree with the chaplain that heaven will certainly be a better place, but I’m also convinced I have a responsibility to make the most of every moment, appreciate the opportunities, and pursue the possibilities of living each and every day. 

I don't know your particular situation, age, profession or personal information, but I do know you can become one of those fulfilled people who have determined the richness of your life.  One who has decided that just drifting through life and staying alive isn't enough.  There is a curiosity to determine how your life will work out and you've made a profound commitment to enjoy the journey.  Begin navigating your way through the opportunities, obstacles, adversities, and dreams.

Today is a great day.  Live it.  Love it.  Learn from it.  Savor the richness of each moment.  Invest in your future by investing first of all in today.  Every decision, action, attitude or investment you make in today will dramatically impact the quality of tomorrow.  Now is a great time to put a healthy down payment on tomorrow.

It’s tempting to sit and wait for life to come to you.  But it can’t.  It’s too busy.  Life is out there.  You have to go for it.”

Harry Beckwith

There’s A Price To Be Paid

“There are only three things to know about how to get what you want.  One, decide what you want.  Two, decide what you are willing to give up to get it.  Three, go for it.”

H.L. Hunt

I’ve Been Thinking . . . about the responsibility that accompanies getting what we want.

A late night flight home from New Jersey provided a perfect example.  Two men made their way down the aisle of the 737 displaying behaviors common to people not accustomed to flying.  They struggled to find their correct seats and nervously asked a flight attendant for assistance as they neared my row.

One man was dressed in a tee shirt with a picture of a fish spreading from his plump stomach over his right shoulder to the middle of his back.  The shirt was about three inches too short (you get the picture).  His face hadn’t been shaved for several days and neither had he taken the time to wash and comb his hair or wash his jeans.

His buddy was dressed in a black and red wool coat, complimented by a green and brown camouflage cap.  His blackened teeth, greasy hair and significant body odor led me to think he was not well versed in appropriate personal hygiene.

The men seated themselves across the aisle and a few rows ahead of me.  I found myself watching them and their insistence on leaning over each other and the woman in the window seat so they could see out the window. 

Suddenly, both men jumped up and moved to the row behind them -- one in the window seat, the other on the aisle.  Thirty seconds later, the man in the plaid coat quickly made a dash to the window seat in the row behind him, now directly across from me.

The flight attendants began their pre-flight safety instructions.  One of them asked the man who had just moved to the window seat if he was aware that he was seated in an exit row.  “Are you capable of performing the duties required of you in the improbable event of a crash?” the flight attendant asked.

“What responsibilities?” he responded with surprise in his voice.

“You must be able to remove the exit door so passengers can escape,” she replied matter-of-factly.

A startled look came across the man’s face as he quickly replied, “No way, I don’t want that kind of responsibility!”  He jumped out of the exit row and situated himself in an aisle seat.

I thought to myself, as I watched him settle in for the lengthy flight:  This is so indicative of people naive about what it takes to get what they want.  Rarely are they willing to assume the responsibility that goes with the privilege.  Success in any endeavor demands more than a casual investment.

H.L. Hunt made it quite clear that, to get what you want, you must decide what you are willing to give up and then go for it.  Successful people “give up” the convenience of doing only what they want to do when they want to do it.  Be prepared every day to do something you don’t want to do but know you should do to achieve what you want.  It’s a price every winner knows they have to pay. 

Zig Ziglar confirmed this prerequisite for success when he said:  “When you do the things you ought to do when you ought to do them, the day will come when you will do the things you want to do when you want to do them.” 

The next time you are tempted to move into the exit row aisle seat (or any other desired position in life), decide first if you are willing to do whatever it takes to make the trip.

People who take personal responsibility for the quality of their lives often end up with more quality in their lives.  What level of responsibility are you comfortable assuming to achieve the level of success you desire? 

“It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of our responsibilities.”

 Sir Josiah Stamp

Acquiring An Awesome Attitude

“The greatest discovery in our generation is that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”

William James

“I’ve been thinking. . .” about my attitude.  In fact, I’ve been thinking about your attitude as well. 

Charles Swindoll hit the nail square on the head for me when he said, “I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.  And so it is with you . . . we are in charge of our attitudes.”

I’ve been a fan of the Peanuts cartoon for many years.  Charles Schulz had the uncanny ability to capture real life messages inside his characters.  I recall one strip in which Lucy announces: “Boy, do I feel crabby.”

Her loving little brother Linus, always anxious to relieve tension at home, responds, “Maybe I can be of help.  Why don’t you just take my place here in front of the TV while I go and fix you a nice snack?  Sometimes we all need a little pampering to help us feel better.”  Then Linus brings her a sandwich, a few chocolate chip cookies, and some milk.

“Now is there anything else I can get you?” he asks.  “Is there anything I haven’t thought of?”

“Yes, there’s one thing you haven’t thought of,” Lucy answers.  And then suddenly screams, “I don’t want to feel better!”

Lucy never wanted to experience change in her life where bad attitudes were present.  It was more “fun” to wallow in her misery.

I’ve come to the profound, undisputable (in my mind) conclusion; there are a lot of Lucy’s in this world. 

We have the privilege and responsibility to choose everyday the attitude we will adopt for the day.  That single choice dramatically influences the perceived and real quality of everything we encounter.  By activating our ability to control our reaction to life’s situations, we will be amazed at how events begin to change.

We literally live in a world of our own making.  Our attitudes determine our actions.  Our attitude toward life determines life’s attitude toward us.  Our personality is a reflection of our attitudes.  Attitudes impact the way others see us and ultimately treat us.  Further, our attitude so often determines the quality of the results we achieve.

Many people are one positive attitude away from having a great day, pursuing a dream or rebuilding a relationship.  People who have outstanding talent, impressive knowledge, and prime opportunities will undoubtedly experience average results unless they possess an expectant, “can-do” attitude.  Attitude certainly isn’t the only thing that determines success but it is an important something.

For those people who need a few bullet points or specific strategies, here you go. . .

First, expect the best.  Seriously, people who expect things to always go bad will not be disappointed.  A positive ‘expector’ adjusts your view on life and allows you the flexibility to enjoy the blessings and deal with challenges.  These people are commonly known to be “inverse paranoids.”  This is someone who believes that the world is conspiring to do him good.  How refreshing!  Seeing every situation as being heaven-sent would certainly put a new face on life’s experiences.

I read about a man who lived on the outskirts of town.  He developed quite a business selling hot dogs along the side of the road.  The man was hard of hearing so never listened to the radio.  He had trouble with his vision, so he never read a newspaper.  But he knew how to sell hot dogs and had a booming business.

He built attractive signs and put them up along the highway advertising his delicious hot dogs.  He stood along the side of the road and solicited every person who passed by to try his fabulous hot dogs.  People bought his hot dogs and made frequent return visits.  He increased his meat and bun orders, and he bought a bigger grill to prepare his famous dogs.  The business was a resounding success.  He made enough money to educate his son at one of the finest colleges.

Unfortunately, the son came home upon graduation as an educated pessimist (the worst kind).  He observed his father’s business and then remarked, “Father, haven’t you been listening to the radio?  Haven’t you followed the stories in the newspaper?  We’re in the middle of a huge recession.  Businesses are failing all around the country.” 

The father was astounded at his son’s wisdom.  He thought, “Well, my son’s been to college.  He reads the paper and business journals.  He listens to the radio and keeps himself well informed.  He must know what he is talking about.”  So the father cut back on his meat and bun order, removed his roadside signs, and no longer stood alongside the road to promote his hot dogs.

Of course, his sales fell dramatically.  “You’re right, son,” the father said to his boy.  “It’s a good thing you came home.  We are certainly in the middle of a huge recession.”

Expectation is often a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Remember, the press has accurately predicated 8 of our last 2 recessions.  Sharpen your positive ‘expector’.  Expect the best.

Next, decide to be cheerful.  I tend to respond to the request “How are you?” with “Wonderful” or “Fantastic”.  Periodically someone will say, “You can’t always be fantastic.”  True.  But I choose to believe I will be any minute.  Choose to be joyful because every minute of life is a gift never to return.  You only get one shot.  It takes no more energy to decide to be upbeat than to be downbeat. . . in fact, probably less.

Cheerfulness, and its negative counterpart, is normally visible on someone’s face.  When I was in the second grade, I had a fabulous teacher.  Mrs. Krull was better to me than I deserved.  I think it’s because she lived across the alley from my grandparents.  She was also a strong disciplinarian.  One day during recess, Randy and I were pestering the girls.  Mrs. Krull approached us and said, “Boys, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze, and I would stay like that.” 

I was appalled at the potential outcome.  However, Randy looked intently for a moment and then said to Mrs. Krull, “Well, teacher, you can’t say no one warned you.”

Looking downtrodden, depressed, negative, bitter, gloomy, discouraged, apathetic, resentful, and hopeless is pitiful.  Smile!  Be cheerful!  By the time you’re 30, you wear the face you deserve.

Be a solution finder.  Problem finders are a dime a dozen.  Rare are those people who can spot a solution in every problem rather than a problem in every solution.  Like the old saying goes, “when you change the way in which you see things, the things you see will change.”  It’s amazing how the slight shift in your perspective on things will alter habitual attitudes.  Remember the words of psychiatrist Frank Minirth: “The more you complain about the problems you have, the more problems you’ll have to complain about.”

Talk Positive.  Listen carefully to your conversations.  The words you use, the tone of your voice and your non-verbal’s not only communicate your attitude to others but further ingrain your personality characteristics.  Psychologist Shad Helmstetter advised, “You can’t change from a negative mind-set to a positive mind-set without changing from negative talking to positive talking.  To do that you must change the input from negative to positive.”

I read about a man who joined a monastery where, in addition to the vows of celibacy and poverty, was required to take a vow of silence.  The monastery was so strict he was only allowed to speak two words a year.  The man lived his first year in absolute silence.  At the end of the year, he was invited in to his superior for his annual performance review.  His superior asked what two words he would like to share.  “Food cold,” the man replied.  Then, he was back to his room and routine to spend his second year in silence.  At the year’s end, when he went in for his annual review, he was allowed to speak again.  The two words he spoke were, “Bed hard.”  He then served his third year in silence.  At the end of the year he told his superior in two words, “I quit!” and he got up to leave.  His superior immediately responded, “Your decision doesn’t surprise me at all.  All you’ve done for the last three years is complain, complain, complain.”

Lesson:  Talk Positive.  No matter how few words you speak, make them positive.  Quit complaining.

Develop a spirit of understanding and acceptance.  Look around you.  People who display a genuine, caring attitude and love for people normally display an affirmative, upbeat attitude. 

John Maxwell tells the story of a mother and her adult daughter shopping one day, trying to make the most of a big sale the weekend before Christmas.  As they went from store to store in the mall, the mother complained about everything:  the crowds, the poor quality of the merchandise, the prices, and her sore feet.  After the mother experienced a particularly difficult interaction with a clerk in one department store, she turned to her daughter and said, “I’m never going back to that store again.  Did you see the dirty look she gave me?”

The daughter answered, “She didn’t give it to you, Mom.  You had it when you went in!”

Ouch!  Your attitude toward the people around will determine the attitude they have toward you which impacts the attitude you have toward life which…..you get the message.

Act as if.  Act ‘as if’ you have a great attitude.  Act like the kind of day you want to have.  Act like the person you want to become. Act like the attitude you want.  A staff member once said to me, “I’m just waiting for someone to come along and motivate me.”  I immediately responded, “what if they don’t show up?”  Don’t wait for a great attitude to tap you on the shoulder.  If you want a quality, act as if you already have it and the chemistry to produce it will be activated. 

Much of what we do every day comes from habitual behaviors.  Our attitudes are no different.  We have been perfecting our current attitudes over a period of time.  If we desire to get different results out of life, then we will need to address current habits.  I especially like Psychiatrist William Glasser’s belief that; “If you want to change attitudes, start with a change in behavior.  In other words, begin to act the part, as well as you can, of the person you would rather be, the person you most want to become.  Gradually, the old fearful person will fade away.”

I came across a prayer recently that seems like an appropriate way to close this conversation.  It said,

Dear Lord,

So far today, I am doing all right.  I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or self-indulgent.  I have not whined, cursed, or eaten any chocolate.

However, I am going to get out of bed in a few minutes, and I will need a lot more help after that.  Amen.

One of the most important choices you make today is your attitude.  You and you alone are in charge.  This is the greatest day of your life.  Do something positive with it – acquire an awesome attitude.

The optimist pleasantly ponders how high his kite will fly; the pessimist woefully wonders how soon his kite will fall.

William Arthur Ward